I feel I am a people centered listener. When ever I am in a conversation with someone my attention is on them majority of the time, unless I am in a rush to get somewhere. I actually care what they are saying and I would like it back in return. But naturally I take everything in and really get a feel to what their saying. I am not the kind of person to just pretend I’m listening and blow it off.
I learned this approach from my family. I grew up (majority of the time) being around my entire mom side of the family, cousins, aunts, uncles, and my nana and grandpa. I feel that because we are Italian and all very close to one another I developed a strong care and compaction for others. Were always hugging and when we see each other we give a kiss on the cheek to say hello and goodbye. My mom’s side can talk for HOURS so we always shared our feelings and talked about what is going on.
This works in almost all situations and it works for me, except if you are talking to someone on a professional level, in a job, etc. I personally know that when I am talking, I want to know if I have your full attention. I’ll ask you sometimes “are you listening?” or I will just stop talking until they say something. It means a lot to some people. Many have the same feel about it. Knowing you can talk to someone and count on him or her is very important, it might not always be important but just for the satisfaction.
There have been a few times that I have experienced people centered listening and content centered listening. One of my best friends Kat goes to school in Florida and there was one night recently that she was really upset because of a guy and without saying it she tried to deny it. I am really observant just naturally, and knowing my best friend I can tell in her voice and her tone that something was not right. Given, I was not focusing all my attention on her because of the distraction in her voice. I was truly concerned, for I know she has been missing home pretty badly. Within four minutes of her talking I asked if everything was okay. However, she tried brushing it off, kind of ignoring it and said “I’m fine.” Then she got mad at me because she thought I was not paying attention. What I went through was people-centered listening to figure out and analyze how she was saying things. On the other hand, when claiming I was not listening she expressed she wanted me to actually listen to what she was saying by using content centered listening. I now know to come that there are some people that would prefer you to focus on what they are saying, than how they are saying it.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Identity Management
Identity Management is how we handle ourselves in any kind of situation. It identifies us as a person; furthermore, it is how others perceive us. One that fits this description was the Last Lecture.
I was very taken back by speaker Randy Paush who delivered The Last Lecture. More so every little thing he said hit me personally. I can relate to him through past and present family issues that I’m dealing with. My grandpa died in a year of finding out he was diagnosed of Lung Cancer, and my cousin is currently battling a brain tumor at age 31. I feel Randy did an incredible job speaking with all the facework he presented. He had so much to offer matching non-verbal and verbal between his advice and everything he has accomplished throughout his years.
He found a frame of reference to connect with everyone it seemed like. When the cameras went back and forth from Paush to the audience many were intrigued, and I too never thought for one minute that there was a non-interesting section or sentence. I did notice the audience identified him in a softer way through non-verbal cues, yet thought of him very powerful as well. The audience was laughing, some tearing, leaning forward, all taking it directly.
Once he mentioned his disease he automatically put it out there of how strong he truly is, mentally, spiritually, and physically, which also falls into the implicit personality theory. In most cases people make assumptions right off the bat. For instance in this case, many like mine thought, why isn’t he hurting? Does he not realize the disease and time?
Something that interests me is the Halo effect. Halo effect means a perception of ones trait that is influenced by another trait. In Randy’s speech he put out there how he has limited time on the earth but switched into a positive direction by putting the spotlight on dreams he had as a child. Listing all of his dreams from zero gravity to doing what seemed to be the impossible was incredible. More so when he did not have to say much but mentally he could paint you a picture and show you images, and gestures that made you feel like you knew exactly what he was talking about and felt like you were apart of his life. His variety of ways of communication he gave out, to me was inspiring.
I was very taken back by speaker Randy Paush who delivered The Last Lecture. More so every little thing he said hit me personally. I can relate to him through past and present family issues that I’m dealing with. My grandpa died in a year of finding out he was diagnosed of Lung Cancer, and my cousin is currently battling a brain tumor at age 31. I feel Randy did an incredible job speaking with all the facework he presented. He had so much to offer matching non-verbal and verbal between his advice and everything he has accomplished throughout his years.
He found a frame of reference to connect with everyone it seemed like. When the cameras went back and forth from Paush to the audience many were intrigued, and I too never thought for one minute that there was a non-interesting section or sentence. I did notice the audience identified him in a softer way through non-verbal cues, yet thought of him very powerful as well. The audience was laughing, some tearing, leaning forward, all taking it directly.
Once he mentioned his disease he automatically put it out there of how strong he truly is, mentally, spiritually, and physically, which also falls into the implicit personality theory. In most cases people make assumptions right off the bat. For instance in this case, many like mine thought, why isn’t he hurting? Does he not realize the disease and time?
Something that interests me is the Halo effect. Halo effect means a perception of ones trait that is influenced by another trait. In Randy’s speech he put out there how he has limited time on the earth but switched into a positive direction by putting the spotlight on dreams he had as a child. Listing all of his dreams from zero gravity to doing what seemed to be the impossible was incredible. More so when he did not have to say much but mentally he could paint you a picture and show you images, and gestures that made you feel like you knew exactly what he was talking about and felt like you were apart of his life. His variety of ways of communication he gave out, to me was inspiring.
Technology and Interpersonal Communication
Assumption 1: Online discussions promote self-orientation.
However you want to display/promote yourself is completely up to you. Who’s ever page it is has complete control. That person can decide what they want to accept or don’t except, something as in what to display and who can see it. Security is based on the person. As for conversations, it is different than talking face to face. Facebook aim chats gives you the opportunity to talk to whomever may be on Facebook at that moment and if someone “IMS” you if you want to respond. In addition, you can login or logout whenever you want. There are no demands in this situation unlike if the person came up to you face to face. Online discussions often prompt introspection.
Assumption 2: Computer screen can deceive.
This is a true assumption and applies to Facebook completely. There are many instances where others can get someone’s email and information and “pretend” to be someone else and do whatever they want to their page. Some do this to get back at someone else, because it is funny, and or they want to steal someone else’s identity. With today’s technology it is extremely important that you know what you are doing, what information you are giving out, and have the ability to trust your friends.
Assumption 3: This assumption relates to when we send personal messages back and forth to one another through Facebook. Many incidents occur when you and a friend are fighting or an ex goes crazy and sends you a private message. A lot of times this happens when the person doesn’t want to physically talk to you. On the other hand it can be difficult for a way message is written and prompt another discussion because of how you delivered your words in that message. It is important to think about the message and make sure you interpreted it correctly.
Assumption 4: Self-disclosure occurs online.
Back to what I said about displaying and promoting yourself, you have the option to share whatever you want with whomever you want. Anyone can share anything on Facebook with the list of options it provides, whether you fill out all the information or none of it. Personally, I fill out only certain things that I feel when applying to jobs and etc that can benefit me in some way when someone might be tracking down my Facebook to glance and see what information is provided.
Other concepts:
The internet has come so far and still today is progressing with our enhancement of education accessibility all of our information does not just come from books but the internet. Think of how often we use Google on a daily basis…in most situations we mostly deal with all technology. For instances with certain technology were always on our emails, Skype names, any Aim Screen names we have, etc. Like Facebook these different ways of communication you must be careful as well. Many people passwords and usernames get found and certain people unfortunally take advantage of that. On the other hand, when the point comes to finding a job, or an internship, whatever is on the internet can be found and could potentially be held against you. It is by law that we have our right to privacy but yet anyone can find anything about you. In today’s society nothing is ever private, also known as private security. In addition to these sites we communicate on, this generation today tends to “Abbreviated our language” It causes problems for when we forget how to spell a word writing a paper or sending emails to friends and professors. But a lot of the people not in our generation but older do not pick up on our language that most teenagers and young adults say now a days.
Write literally: It is extremely important when communicating with someone that when you say something that you say it correctly. If you are not talking face to face things can be interrupted the wrong way. The tone of voice is important, for you do not know if it is being said sarcastically or they actually mean it. Furthermore, when on Facebook or blogging, anyone can read what you’re saying. It can be trouble and you could embarrass yourself.
However you want to display/promote yourself is completely up to you. Who’s ever page it is has complete control. That person can decide what they want to accept or don’t except, something as in what to display and who can see it. Security is based on the person. As for conversations, it is different than talking face to face. Facebook aim chats gives you the opportunity to talk to whomever may be on Facebook at that moment and if someone “IMS” you if you want to respond. In addition, you can login or logout whenever you want. There are no demands in this situation unlike if the person came up to you face to face. Online discussions often prompt introspection.
Assumption 2: Computer screen can deceive.
This is a true assumption and applies to Facebook completely. There are many instances where others can get someone’s email and information and “pretend” to be someone else and do whatever they want to their page. Some do this to get back at someone else, because it is funny, and or they want to steal someone else’s identity. With today’s technology it is extremely important that you know what you are doing, what information you are giving out, and have the ability to trust your friends.
Assumption 3: This assumption relates to when we send personal messages back and forth to one another through Facebook. Many incidents occur when you and a friend are fighting or an ex goes crazy and sends you a private message. A lot of times this happens when the person doesn’t want to physically talk to you. On the other hand it can be difficult for a way message is written and prompt another discussion because of how you delivered your words in that message. It is important to think about the message and make sure you interpreted it correctly.
Assumption 4: Self-disclosure occurs online.
Back to what I said about displaying and promoting yourself, you have the option to share whatever you want with whomever you want. Anyone can share anything on Facebook with the list of options it provides, whether you fill out all the information or none of it. Personally, I fill out only certain things that I feel when applying to jobs and etc that can benefit me in some way when someone might be tracking down my Facebook to glance and see what information is provided.
Other concepts:
The internet has come so far and still today is progressing with our enhancement of education accessibility all of our information does not just come from books but the internet. Think of how often we use Google on a daily basis…in most situations we mostly deal with all technology. For instances with certain technology were always on our emails, Skype names, any Aim Screen names we have, etc. Like Facebook these different ways of communication you must be careful as well. Many people passwords and usernames get found and certain people unfortunally take advantage of that. On the other hand, when the point comes to finding a job, or an internship, whatever is on the internet can be found and could potentially be held against you. It is by law that we have our right to privacy but yet anyone can find anything about you. In today’s society nothing is ever private, also known as private security. In addition to these sites we communicate on, this generation today tends to “Abbreviated our language” It causes problems for when we forget how to spell a word writing a paper or sending emails to friends and professors. But a lot of the people not in our generation but older do not pick up on our language that most teenagers and young adults say now a days.
Write literally: It is extremely important when communicating with someone that when you say something that you say it correctly. If you are not talking face to face things can be interrupted the wrong way. The tone of voice is important, for you do not know if it is being said sarcastically or they actually mean it. Furthermore, when on Facebook or blogging, anyone can read what you’re saying. It can be trouble and you could embarrass yourself.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Miami Wedding Planner Blog
Adaptation Theory
My first conversation I conducted was between my best friend kat who is going to school in Florida. We are both going through similar situations with guys and long distance relationships. My second conversation was with my mom who does not know too much information but knows how I feel and tries to give her view upon it from a mother’s perspective. My third conversation was then between myself and I containing my thoughts, and the thoughts from my best friend and my mother. I noticed that my best friend Kat took it to heart. Her tone of voice was really sad and low, you can tell she was very upset with the situation and how hard it is to try and keep a long distance relationship. If her words weren’t obvious enough… when we Skyped her facial expression seemed to be not like her usual perky self, including her gesturing (which was toned down). We both felt the same way, and both of us feeded off of one another, from our voice, to facial expressions and even how we carried ourselves through the day. On the other hand, when speaking to my mom I could not show her how down I was, and I also couldn’t not use certain words with my mom that I would use with my best friend Kat. Let alone, mothers usually do not know too many details like a best friend would. However, when I spoke to my mother I talked with a different tone, I noticed she seemed concerned but tried to show me her view upon it by saying that “you two left on a good note and it is always best to leave it on a good note” “Live your life and know if it was meant to be it will happen”. You can see the situation between Kat and my mother is very different. My last conversation was with myself, which I noticed to be more open, simple, very quick conversations with a mild tone voice, but did not use any gesturing what’s’ so ever. I saw that in all three conversations there were slight adjustments with the people I was talking to.
Words are Powerful
The use of one word can make a big difference when you are talking. Certain words tend to be more powerful then others. I have always heard the quote “you either make it or break it” I feel that can tie into the use of powerful words. For example, the word “YOU” it is very powerful. It is a strong, direct word that can be used in good and/or bad situations. It takes the message and basically puts it in your face. Many feel weak by this kind of message, for it can truly put someone down. For instances a negative use is, “YOU can’t do anything right, YOU are a constant failure.” I have heard that used before and it is not something you want to hear at all. It can really hurt someone and put someone’s self esteem really low. The word “you” is very common and used in every day lives. I would avoid using the word “you” and instead placing the blame on one person by saying “Its all your fault” Turn it around and say, “I feel that we all could of done this better…” Other words that I feel can be known to be powerful are sacrifice, and disappointed. They produce a strong impression and it is known we associate feelings and actions with powerful words.
Nonverbal Immediacy Behaviors
Christina Potter
October 11, 2010
Communication Breakdown
September 11,2010
Every day I face some sort of an interpersonal situation. There was a Sunday in this past June where the guy who I was “with” but not officially and I had an argument. It had to do with him going to see a girl (a friend who he has known for years) and we were communicating through texting on our cell phones. The breakdown occurred as soon as we were texting about each of our plans were that night. He had plans to go to the beach to meet up with this girl and I was going to a graduation party. It was really difficult; for I had a hard time understanding what was truly being said. He was trying to explain to me what the deal was with him and the girl and how it was nothing serious. His use of words in the text made it seem a lot worse then it really was. I on the other hand took it for what I saw and developed it in my head for what I thought it meant. It lead to us getting mad at one another and me getting all worked up. Girls and guys are very different; they have their own ways of thinking. And when you use text messaging it can become very complicated.
I do feel if we had a better understanding of the communication process, him and I could have had better results in our communication towards one another. In addition, I have learned to eliminate texting him with situations like this past one. Communication is very important I have come to realize. With texting it is very hard to read and understand the message of what the other person is trying to convey to you. How the message is exactly being said is never easy. There is no tone of voice, if any, it may include some marks, like exclamation points, periods, capital letters, etc. But not many people take the time now a day to include any punctuation marks let alone spell out the words in the text message.
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